How to Support a Friend or Family Member with Breast Cancer
A cancer diagnosis, of course, is the moment that can change a person’s entire life, and it also deeply affects the family, friends, and close ones of that person. You may not know what words to say or how to act when your close one is diagnosed with breast cancer. You may also be afraid you might say or do the wrong thing, that you might invade the person’s privacy, or be only a pawn in their suffering.
The fact is: the more time you spend, the more your tolerance and your behavior will be valuable to your friend than your faultlessness.
Here you have a helpful little guide that we hope you will find useful when you decide to support the one having cancer in a very considerate, meaningful, and genuine manner. The guide covers the stages from diagnosis to treatment, recovery, and later.
Understanding What Your Loved One Is Going Through
Of course, breast cancer not only leaves the body attacked but also severely affects the patient’s emotional side, mental state, relationships, personality, and everyday activities. Anyone who has the disease might get scared, confused, and stressed, besides being tired, mourning, and feeling lost, even if the doctor has given them a good prognosis.
Sometimes, they will be in a very good mood and have a lot of energy. Sometimes they will be so upset that they won’t want to see anyone and will be mad at whoever came to visit or at themselves. Their treatment will produce side effects such as tiredness, vomiting, loss of hair, hormonal imbalances, and pain, which often make the patient so tired they can’t even manage to do simple things.
Knowing the emotional and physical strain can help you be more understanding without judging.
The Most Important Thing You Can Do: Be Present
You don’t need to find perfect words or have medical knowledge. What really counts is just being consistently there for them.
Sometimes the most impactful support is simply showing that they are not alone. A brief message such as:
“Today you are in my thoughts.”
“Whenever you need anything, I’ll be here.”
“You don’t have to face this alone.”
These can be worth more than lengthy speeches.
Don’t try to “fix” the problem or offer “forced positivity”. Saying things like “Everything happens for a reason” or “Be positive, and you will win over this” may inadvertently be like shutting down their feelings. Let there be room for truth, fear, and vulnerability.
Listen More Than You Talk
Give Them Your Ear
Listening attentively without judging or interrupting is probably the most supportive thing you can do for a person with breast cancer.
They might want to tell you:
- About their diagnosis
- Their fears or anger
- The side effects of the treatment
- Their self-image
- The stress related to money or family
Don’t hasten to comfort or argue with them. Don’t feel that you have to provide a solution. Just allowing them to talk about their feelings is a big step for them to feel recognized and understood.
Maybe you could say:
“It must have been a real struggle. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
Offer Practical Help Instead of Vague Support
Many people have this habit of saying, “Let me know if you need anything.” However, a person who has a lot on their plate is often not aware of what to ask for. In such cases, it is better to offer specific and practical help. For example, you may think about:
- Bringing a meal
- Giving them a ride to a doctor’s appointments
- Helping out with kids or pets
- Doing errands or shopping for groceries
- House cleaning or laundry
- Being with them during treatment days
Such little deeds help in stress relief, and at the same time, they show real support without the need for the person to ask.
Respect Their Boundaries and Choices
Every cancer journey is different. Some patients are very talkative, while some are more reserved. Some like visitors, whereas others want to be left alone.
Honor the way they decide to cope.
Treatment choices are a very emotional and private matter. Do not question their medical decisions or give them advice based on what you read online. Have faith that, in fact, they are consulting their doctors and following their directions.
It is part of being supportive that you acknowledge their decisions, whether or not they are in line with yours.
Be Mindful of Language
Sometimes what we say in tough times matters more than we think. Try not to use words that make the other person feel pressured or guilty.
Don’t say:
- “You have to stay strong.”
- “Everything will be okay.”
- “At least it’s treatable.”
Try saying:
- “I’m here with you.”
- “It’s okay to feel scared or tired.”
- “You’re not alone in this.”
The very fact that you are there in a calm and kind way can often be more helpful than giving motivational speeches.
Support Them Emotionally During Treatment
Treatment for breast cancer can drag on for months or even years. At first, after the diagnosis, the support is usually very strong, but this is the time when the patient actually needs it the most.
Keep in touch regularly and don’t forget to remember the milestones, such as the operation or chemotherapy days. You can motivate them with uplifting messages, cards, or small gifts.
Remind them in different ways that they are still loved and cherished, even if at the moment they are going through difficulties. Chat about everyday things too—movies, memories, dreams, or simple daily occurrences.
Being normal can be a source of comfort.
Help Them Maintain Their Identity
Cancer can be a source of such upheaval in a person’s body and mind that it can seem as if they have altogether lost control. Help them find and retain their core identity, which exists apart from the illness.
When feasible, promise to keep up with their hobbies or other activities that bring them pleasure. Besides recognizing their looks, also acknowledge and praise their inner strength, creativity, and character. Allow them to be normal and to take care of themselves as much as they can.
At times, very simple things such as having a good laugh or reminiscing about the past can help a person regain their identity.
Don’t Disappear After Treatment Ends
Many people mistakenly think that the most challenging part ends with the conclusion of treatment; however, the post-treatment phase can actually be one of the emotionally toughest times. The patient’s worry over relapse, throwback of side effects, and mental fatigue may very well be some of the reasons why they would feel vulnerable.
Be there for your loved one even when the “get well soon” words and gestures become a thing of the past. Continue to reach out. Continue to let them know you care.
Support once the treatment has ended is as vital as support at the start of the treatment.
Take Care of Yourself Too
Supporting a close one through breast cancer is such a challenging and exhausting experience. And it’s absolutely fine for you to admit your feelings and that you’re reaching the end of your strength. After all, you cannot give what you don’t have.
Here are some things you should do:
- Get enough sleep
- Share with a trusted friend
- Have some time off when necessary
- Know your limits and be firm with them
Looking after yourself increases your ability to support a loved one in a more consistent and effective manner.
Wrapping up: You Are Your Loved One’s Greatest Support
There is no need to be flawless or always have the correct response. The main thing is that you come with a spirit of understanding, forbearance, and love.
A simple heartfelt note. A silent and steady companion. A hand willing to help. An ear ready to listen.
Such gestures can make the seemingly insurmountable struggle a little less lonely.
Being a support to a cancer patient doesn’t mean you have to come up with solutions to their problems. It simply means that you are there for them through the whole process.
How amazing that is!